Undateable: The Grooming Version

Lately I've been hooked on VHI1's Undateable.  It's so amusing that I've watched it fully once this week and since they've been showing it over and over, I have it on in the background when I'm blogging or getting ready to go out.  It lays out what makes a man undateable such as: pinkie rings, snakeskin shoes, bandannas, cell phone belt clips and types of flair that men rock (Neil Strauss calls this peacocking in his book The Game) to get attention or make them feel important.

I think being undateable goes way beyond peacocking.  It all starts with grooming.  Here's my list of what makes a guy undateable from head to toe and yes, everywhere in between if you know what I mean.

  1. If the subject has a uni-brow or brows waxed to perfection he is undateable. There is no excuse for a uni-brow.  If there was a woman in his life at some point, she would have helped him take care of this situation.  So chances are, he looks stupid and  has no clue about women.  Or maybe he actually likes it.  Don't barbers normally do something about those?  Guido brows are a no, no.  This normally signifies that he'll always be more prim and proper than you are in every way.  Undateable.
  2. If the subject has dirty fingernails he is undateable. Dirt underneath the nails, bitten cuticles and uneven (ouch) bitten nails equals unsanitary.   I'm not saying all men should be lining up for weekly manicures, but the way they take care of their hands often signifies how they like to represent themselves.
  3. If the subject takes longer than you to get ready he is undateable. Ladies, do you really want to sit around and wait to go out while Romeo primps?  Ew, no.  Undateable.  Shit, shower and shave.  He's a man.
  4. If the subject doesn't understand how to maintain the land down under he is undateable. You know what I'm talking about.  Trim?  Shave?  They need to do what they have to do, but neatness is necessary.  This is 2010 and you know you're keeping it up so why shouldn't he?  No one wants to get lost in the forest while trying to find the goods.
  5. If the subject wears a "wool sweater" year long he is undateable. Yes, they're out there... men with hairy chests, shoulders and backs.  Their body surrenders to the hair and they accept it!  Not OK. There is no excuse for anyone to be that hairy or close to it.  Men, I'm not saying to go wax your body, but severe maintenance is necessary.  Do you really think a girl wants to run her hand on your chest and get tangles in your nappy hair?
  6. If the subject's toe nails scratch you between the sheets he is undateable. It's as simple as a toe nail clipper.  Please.

So ladies, watch out for these types of men.  For some you may be able to tell if they're undateable right away. Others may surprise you as you get more intimate, but hey, it's all part of the dating game. Right? I'd love to hear your thoughts... what else makes a man undateable?